Setback

 "lol what the hell is your problem?"

A simple question that neither I or anyone else has the answer to. It's a question that many people ask me, in many different ways, yet if they knew, would they be satisfied with the answer?

I'm mad and bitter and maybe thats my problem. Finding out this past friday that my dads cancer had spread is my current problem. Seeing friends and family distance themselves from me and my  family is another problem. Knowing that my mother is sick herself, and should see a doctor but isn't is another problem.

Maybe if I had a sibling things might be easier I hear people say. Having a half brother is a bit comforting. Knowing that he's half a country away is not.

One day I will be happy again just like I was happy again after my father was diagnosed. But my hope is low. Way lower then in Feb. I read that people with lung cancer have like a 12.9 or 14.9 "5 year survival rate". That does not even account for tumors (3) on the brain and now, on the arm/shoulder. Even if these people survive, its what, 5 years? I'm so sad

Yet I just know that people think "well its better to have had 20 healthy years with him then not having any at all". Maybe one day this may make me feel better but right now I have a right to be in grief.

Don't get me wrong, I have my faith and hope and pray every single day that things turn out for the best. But it just makes me cry every time I think of a possible future without my daddy. And thats a huge problem indeed.

My 'Millionaire' Audition

Yesterday Jay and I went to our "auditions" at the ABC building to try out for.........Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

After getting there early, we waited on their longg line which was great since my feet were killing me and this gave me a chance to stand still. Thinking I was clever, I wore my tiny heals instead of bigger ones to no avail! I managed to get blisters before the fun even started!

Finally, we were ushered into a large room and were given pencils, scantrons, and large envelopes which contained our "tests." Across from us was a girl who was an "actress" and a guy who went to some prestigious University and was an engineer. Big whoop

So once everyone was inside (and past the metal detectors), we all took out timed 10 minute, 30 question test. Now I don't remember all the questions but it sounded like this:

3. What color are Viagra pills? Are they A. Blue B. White C. Red or D. Yellow? The correct answer is blue and I got it right!! I'm so smart right? Another question was about Kelly Monacco who won the first season of Dancing With the Stars (the one I didn't watch). Which soap was she in? A. All my children B. General Hospital C. Days of our Lives or D. Blah blah blah. How the heck should I know??

As you may presume, Jason or I did not meet the par and failed :( Jay got most of the questions right though so I was shocked they didn't call him back.

After the test, they called all the numbers of the people who passed. Some of the ones who passed were these elderly people. How they knew the word Gwen Stefani spells in one of her songs- b.a.n.a.n.a.s- is wayyyyy beyondd meeee. But. Goodd luck to them anyway.

What matters is that I had fun and understand that if the engineer guy didn't pass, then I don't have much to worry about!! In fact, afterwards Jay and I went to a store (well I sorta limped) and I bought myself flip flops...I had to.

Putting all the failures and blisters aside, we might actually go back next week :)

For laughs

Wanna hear something funny? I have an audition for Who Wants to be a Millionaire on June 21st, hahaha. Maybe it will work out? One never knows...

I had a horrible dream about my dad and I hope it doesn't come true!!!!

Prepping for a GRE test during the summer is not fun!! I have got my book and am practicing the verbal and math hoping that I will get most of the questions right on the date of the exam (July 21st).

So much to say

And this entry can't nearly encompass everything that has happened..good things for the most part. I came back from Cape Cod and Jay and I went to many interesting places- Hyannis Port, Nantucket, Martha's Vineyard, Provincetown, and Plymoth Rock. I took many pictures and it was just an incredible week.

My father is feeling the same; which is to say he is weak and forgetful. He is definitely, and probably wont be, the same man he was before Feb 6. He now has to take shots since his red blood cell count is very low. He is also experiencing insomnia and claims that he hasn't had a good night's sleep in over 3 months. I really do hope that his naps help him some. It's up to the point that I am used to this sad phase and it's hard for me to see how someone may not understand what we are all going through *Sigh*

I dont mean to end on a sad note and my highlight is still the wonderful vacation that i was on.

I almost forgot. We had our closing today and we are now proud owners of a one bedroom coop. Yay! My parents did this as an investment for me one day while we will all share it for now. That is another bit of exciting news!

Hope to write again soon :)

My Vacation

My third year of college is over!! I finished all that I had to and took all of my finals so I should be stress free for a good 3 months :)

Did I mention here that I'm going to Cape Cod for a week from May 20- 27th? I don't think I did, but in any case, that's where I'm heading. I had asked a couple of my friends if they had wanted to go and they said no! Can you believe that. I mean the trip is on me, since we have a time share, so no one would have to pitch in for anything. So it turns out that it will only be Jason and I which I guess is a good thing. We're both very dependable and responsible and should have a good time. My plan is to go to Nantucket, Martha's Vineyard, and Plymouth Rock possibly? I have a few more places that slipped from memory. I'm looking forward to it!

I have a really funny story to tell that happened at work on Monday. I work in an after-school program and on this particular day, I was helping a boy who is in the 5th grade. Now this little guy is really smart and he started to ask me a bunch of questions about college. He asked me what I'm studying, if I'm on the principle's list like he is (lol I told him I'm on the Dean's list which is very similar), what classes I'm taking and he even asked me to explain what "Psychology" is.

So finally after I'm done with all of that the boy asks me what I'm planning on doing with my degree. Well I tell him I might be planning on becoming a school counselor.

You know what his reaction was?

"That's it???? You're going through all of these years of school just for that?? Well 'I' want to become a lawyer, at least they make a lot of money"

lol can you believe this little smart as....

Ah well, I love the kid anyway and don't worry I didn't let him get away with it. After I told him lawyers have a to do a loooott of reading (and the kid hates to read), he quickly changed his mind :)

 

Feelin anxious today

Today I took my first final and it went alright, just a lot of memorization. I'm writing now because I won't for a few days since I have all this studying for finals! I finish my last one on Tuesday and til then it's all work and "some" play :)

I have a communion on Sat, I can't wait! I'm going with Jay and I will take lots of pictures!

Been watching American Idol anyone? Of course, I'm sure most of you are, silly question,lol. My fav's are Katherine and Chris but I can't seem to guess which will be the top two, its so hard this year!

I wanted to make a "The view" entry but there is just not enough time. They will be replacing Meredith Vieira with Rosie O'Donnell and that's sad news! I will continue watching but I wished they could have chosen someone else,lol

That's all for now, wish me luck on my finals everyone! Hugss

About me

Is it summer yet?

For some reason, high school didn't feel this hard. I've just been so stressed....you know how I know this? My glummy feelings. I get enough sleep, its funny that sleep is not the problem but I still walk around tired all the time. Maybe it's all because I have never used my brain as much as I'm doing now. I'm getting all my work done...ahead of time..and it's real good quality :) For this, glummness may be worth it

I have also figured out I need some time for myself. Even at 21, I do everything either for school, family, or friends. I'm thinking pretty soon I'm gonna forget how to have fun! And I'm not talking about going shopping or getiing my nails done which I do anyway, I'm talking about "living" for myself.

For instance, I wanna go out with friends, meet new people, go dancing (which I havent done). Last time my boyfriend and I went dancing, we got into an argument and so i havent gone since but this bothers me. I dont mean to sound like an Ashley Simpson or all those who are always trying to "find themselves." Maybe living for myself can help me relax at the same time..