Ahaa

I realized why I feel so bad every single evening. It's because it's at this time that my dad always came home and spent time with my mom and me. Anyone wanna be my buddy and chat with me between the hours of 5-8??

My contemplation for the day

"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. You have to let go of who you were, to become who you will be." Sex and the City

Although I never watched Sex and the City until it came on TBS (I think) and I hardly watch it now, this quote came up twice in one day and is a sign that it is worthy of my attention.

You see, yesterday evening I was browsing through facebook--a site where college and hs people can chat and catch up on school/personal events. Out of nowhere, this quote from someone's page caught my eye and I pondered over it. Then, a few hours later in the evening, I happened to catch this quote when I watched Sex and the City. What are the chances that I would watch the exact show where this person got her quote from??Needless to say, and since I have more time on my hands since school finished, I thought of what relevance this quote has for me.

In this episode, Carrie decides to let go a part of herself in order to move on in her personal life. After doing some thinking I can determine that there are (so far) two instances in my life that I am sure I have let go in order to find out who I might become next. The first time that this happened was in October of 2004. My grandmother had died 2 months prior and I was feeling extremely low. Although school was going okay, everything else wasn't. I decided to finally take a chance and go out as a way of helping myself. It turned out that on that night I got a chance to meet new friends and develop a new relationship. In a way I let go of my old self to discover these new possibilities.

The second time this happened was again about 2 years ago when I fully got over a bad relationship. I can safely say that it wasn't until I had completely let go that I was able to move on in my present relationship. Also, I got back in touch with one of my best high school friends which is good.

So far, those are the only 2 times where this has become so obvious to me. It's only through retrospection and thought that one can pinpoint these changes taking place. I am also realizing that these moments of self-renewal or whatever one chooses to call them, tend to not fall on holidays or the seasonal calender. Rather, they occur in our own personal calenders and that's why people don't always recognize them. I feel that they happen at the moments we least expect but at the times we most need them to.

So don't worry if you seem stuck at some place or feel that nothing new is going on. Sometimes the most wonderful changes and occurrences happen in the ordinary! :)

Selected Verses from Ben Sira

These passages come from the Old Testment:

Fear not death; we are destined to die. We share it with all who ever lived, with all who ever will be. Bewail the dead, hide not your grief, do not restrain your mourning. But remember that continuing sorrow is worse than death. When the dead are at rest, let their memory rest, and be consoled when the soul departs.

Death is better than a life of pain, and eternal rest than constant sickness.

Seek not to understand what is too difficult for you, search not what is hidden from you. Be not over-occupied with what is beyond you, for you have been shown more than you can understand.

As a drop of water in the sea, as a grain of sand on the shore are man's few days in eternity. The good things in life last for limited days, but a good name endures forever.

Yesterday, my mom and I went to visit my dad. The tombstone is finally up and is beautiful. God does work in mysterious ways. Right after my dad's death, we had found out that my biological grandfather (my father's father), whom I never met, is also buried there. He shares the exact first, middle initial, and last name as my dad. Yesterday, we found his tombstone; it's just a couple of sites from where my dad is.

It's hard to imagine that this still unknown place, will gradually become a site that will become familar to me; where I will probably memorize the path, the shape of the trees, the names on the tombstones. Eventually this site will give me comfort, where there is sorrow. I'm looking forward to springtime where the trees will blossom and the flowers will grow. It is actually a very peaceful place, in the middle of the forest.

So that's how I spent my weekend.