Wednesday, November 21, 2007


I want to wish everyone here a good and happy Thanksgiving! I can't believe how fast it caught up with us this year. I'm in a better place then I was last year and I'm actually looking forward to dressing up and going to my aunt's to eat. I'm especially glad my bf will be there with me; otherwise I don't know how I would feel.

There is only about 2 weeks of school left and I've been under lots of pressure. I've had a group presentation that lasted 45 minutes, and have been working on many papers. Grad school is really kicking my bootie! But I must admit I am learning a lot and have been gaining confidence.

On Tuesday, I went to the dentist and it turns out I have a cavity :( I also want to fix a little space I have in my teeth so we shall see what happens with that...

Well I don't really have anything interesting or fun to report about! Until next time...

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

1 Year

Didn't quite allow myself to think about today, today. To think that a year ago was the worst day of my life does not seem real. Am I allowing myself to feel? I think I am. Don't know what I was expecting but I feel differently. It's scaring me a little but I'm not thinking, I'm not thinking, I'm not thinking.....

Bought a knee-length "puffer" jacket that looks really good on me. Jay and my mom love it :)

*not thinking, not thinking*

I tutored both of my girls today. One was more receptive then the other..owell...

Mom made some delicious food that will be our supper for the next few days. YUM

*thinking* RIP I love you daddy where you are, save a place for me but take your timeeee! Be my angel and guide me through. xoxoxo

Thursday, November 1, 2007


I have always wanted to write a book. Ever since learning to read in the second grade (hey, the only language I knew was Polish until Kindergarten), I've read everything I've picked up and loved it. In the third grade I received a children's Bible for Christmas and read many chapters and verses by the time evening came. During winter recess, I would stock up on books and read the American Girl series, Babysitters Club, and Twin Valley short stories. The rest, I'm afraid, I do not presently recall. My Babci (may she rest in peace) always commented on how I looked like Molly with my thin frame and glasses. Reading has always been my passion.

Since then, every once in a while my mother will tell me how much she would love it if I wrote her biography. In addition, my brother and I always insisted, and would have loved, if my dad wrote his life story. It would be interesting to read about growing up on the East side in the late 40's and 50's, being drafted into the Vietnam War at the age of 21, graduating from the once prestigious Brooklyn Tech high school, and working for AT&T, Bell Atlantic, and Verizon which he did from age 17 until his death. Yup, my father loved his company and was extremely loyal to it until the end. Til this day all I know is Verizon. Of course I would not want to read all the bad parts but I have heard enough of them to remember.

Then I entered college and lo and behold became a Psychology and English major. I did well....and better yet...and succeeded beyond my imagination. I am lucky I have no regrets. My father knew that his money spent was well worth it. Hours before my dad died, I managed to ask him if he thought studying school counseling was a good idea. I don't think he took me as seriously when I brought this up while he was well. By then, I think we both knew that I would need a counselor much more then what I was willing to do with it. There is a part of me that thinks he thought I would never go through with it.

I remember when Jay bought me that beautiful aquamarine ring in Christmas 2005. The next morning was a Saturday and I can remember it vividly. My father was sitting in his chair in the kitchen table eating eggs and bacon I bet. My mom was in the kitchen cooking when I showed her what Jay had gotten me. Before he could see it my dad asked if it was an engagement ring. I was surprised at how calmly he asked me this question,I was only 20! I say this only because lots has changed since then and I am not the same person. Based on this simple accepting expression, I know he approved. If I wrote my book, this event would most likely be added.

I'm thinking that maybe there will come a day when I do decide to write something pertaining to my family. If not, I'm comforted that this journal is as close to noting my experiences as it gets. While I may never really get a chance to write and publish a biography or any novel for that matter, my hope is that these spontaneous jottings  that I am delivering will suffice :)