Happy birthday to me!!!

It's my 22nd birthday today!!!

Today I went to school, am preparing to go to work, and then will have some family members showing up (the ones who remember,lol).

It's chilly today, only 49 degrees but at least the sun is shining :)

I will let you know how my day goes. It's not perfect without my dad and I'm remembering how he always called me at my birthday hour (2:01 PM). But today I am grateful for all the memories and the people in my life :)

Have a great day everyone! HUGS

Just what I needed

I love my godfather Richie and his wife Joyce. My mom and I decided to look at different restaurants for my graduation near an area where we, and they live. Afterwards, we decided to stop by their house and they were very welcoming and told us just what we needed to hear since we were feeling depressed these last couple of days. I won't go into detail, but I did learn a lot about my father, things I never knew about--deep things. Also, for the first time ever, they actually admitted how sometimes when I smile, I look just like my father and my brother. Isn't that something? I never knew these things but somehow it makes a difference to me.

My mom and I went to the cemetery earlier to visit my dad and the experience made me peaceful. I know that my dad would not want me to be sad, spiteful or angry. I had to see him before my birthday (March 29) just because I have been feeling anxious.

Another word of advice Joyce told me--sometimes life just sucks. I came up with this metaphor in the car ride home. Everyone in the world holds on, right?. Some people have a platform and holding on is easier while others, like me, have no platform but need to hold on nevertheless. As you can maybe tell, I'm working really hard on being happy for my birthday,lol

Egoism (not to be confused with Egotism)

1. 1. The ethical doctrine that morality has its foundations in self-interest.
   2. The ethical belief that self-interest is the just and proper motive for all human conduct.
2. Excessive preoccupation with one's own well-being and interests, usually accompanied by an inflated sense of self-importance.

I've actually never heard of this word until today and it makes perfect sense to me. How many people do we know that abide by this concept and live according to what makes them, and only them, happy? Rather then taking that extra step and showing effort for someone else's good, they think "well how will this benefit ME?"

I've recently had a situation where someone actually admitted to me that they don't care about two of my family members. After asking the reason why, the person said "oh, well, if it was the other way around, they wouldn't care or ask about me or my family" !!! If it was the other way around! Well these two people are very fond of this person but if they only knew that the feeling isn't reciprocated. This hurts my feelings. How can this person dislike or not care about my family in such a way?!

Problem with a Professor

First grade......B (ok not bad)
Second grade......B (sigh)
next step...talk to my professor asap

It's not that I don't mind getting B's; my problem in this particular English class seems to be my Professor's impeccable memory of how ambitious  I was two years ago, and how I'm lagging behind this semester. After this second B, I decided it was time for a talk. He noticed how I'm distracted this year and so I 'fessed up on what's been happening lately. After a second of sympathy, we went on to what changes I can make on my revision and off I went on my merry way.

At this point in time with graduation looming ahead, I'm not as afraid of a B as I was previously. Likewise, I am also not afraid of what can happen when I don't do my best. I had a situation at work that disappointed me. My lesson learned? I have to do what seems right to me and if someone has a different opinion, then so be it. Sometimes a B is better then killing yourself over an A!

My birthday is coming up so I'm going to try to be happy for the rest of this month :)

Shopping!

After shopping with my mom, for my mom yesterday, today we decided to go to the mall and look for a graduation dress for me. Now I don't know about you guys, but shopping for a dress is harddd! Take away all the crazy prints, extremely low hemlines, and ugly colors, there is almost nothing left! Our first stop was Nordstrom's where I eyed a few things and tried on dresses. Figuring I'll shop around a little bit more, we left the store empty handed. We went to Macy's, Bloomingdale's, Zara's, and a bunch of places next. After a couple of hours and lunch, we went back to Nordstrom's since the first dress I tried on was better than nothing (turns out it looks fabulous at home,lol).

At the end, I got the dress, a white sweater sort of thing to go with the dress, a white jacket, and a salmon/orangely kind of sweater that really looks good! I'm content.

Now, all I need is a white bag to match and I'm all set. College graduation is a big deal after all!

Under the Weather

I feel so blah today. Sometimes my situation seems to stand out and scream that I'm alone, being punished, or neglected. Why do some people survive cancer and others don't? Why did I have to lose my dad at 21? That will always be a very tender age for me. Lost my naivety about the "perfect" family at 20 and that's when I realized that some parts of life are so very very bad. That's what I'm feeling sometimes...

I'm still waiting to hear from my grad schools. They sent me letters in Jan saying that they have my completed application and that their answers should arrive this semester. If that was 2 months ago, then I guess they means towards the end of the semester....I need to find out as soon as possible since I have FAFSA ready to go out to them. Please let me find out soon..

On a better note: I'm on spring break!!! Yay