Sunday, September 23, 2007
With regard to race and identity, Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum writes, "in adolescence or in adulthood, the ability to see oneself as part of a larger group from which one can draw support is an important coping strategy. Individuals who do not have such a strategy available to them because they do not experience a shared identity with at least some subset of their racial group are at risk for considerable social isolation."
Even though I am not Black, I believe anyone can fit into this description. Since my father's death, I have been in a conflict over how much I should confide in others when I'm feeling depressed. No matter what I do, I'm left thinking that they are not me and do not understand. If I say too much, I feel I am burdening them with my emotions. If I don't say enough, it is not healthy for me and it leaves my friends thinking I am distancing myself. I know in my heart what I should do and that is to talk incessantly. But when does a friend turn into a therapist?
I am left feeling vulnerable and socially isolated. Right now, my right is to disclose my feelings and let them flow. Maybe the path to feeling connected isn't sharing exact experiences but being empathic and having unconditional positive regard. My reward is yet to come.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
On this 9/11, I feel more solemn then before. I think its because I associate that day with my father. I remember him picking me up, explaining this me, and telling me his stories of work that day not too far from ground zero. I admit I cried this morning and just can't shake this feeling. He was alive, vital, and my hero that day. Since I was one of the last to be picked up, I remember feeling scared that something had also happened to my parents. When I saw him downstairs, I was so grateful that he was alive. Below is the entry I wrote in 2005.
I will never forget...
September 11, 2001 changed my life in ways that I still cannot grasp even 4 years later. The thought of all those people that were MURDERED all before their time is just plain awful. I think that a piece of all New Yorkers' hearts broke a little that day. I don't mean to bring all the painful memories of that day back again. This is just my story of what I will remember of that fateful day.
I was a junior in High School and it was the middle of Bio class. Throughout the class we kept on hearing different names called to go down to the office. My friend Maggie was sitting next to me when we hear the first of many announcements. I will paraphrase; "I have some really sad news to tell you today. There has been a horrible plane accident in lower Manhattan". YEs that principal of mine called it a "plane accident"!! "I would like everyone to not worry and to finish this class. Afterwards everyone may proceed to return to their homerooms. If I find anything else out I will let everyone know promptly. Please do not panic or come downstairs. Thank you." Can you believe that? The World Trade Center had collapsed and she continued to call it a plane accident!! Needless to say people panicked.
I did not have a cell phone so I was not able to call anyone. I knew that both of my parents worked in lower Manhattan..I was scared to death. It was not until about 2 PM that my father finally picked me up. What he had to say was horrible. He worked about 3 blocks away from the WTC and he saw everything: the 2nd plane hitting the tower, people jumping from the windows..I couldn't believe it..my City, destroyed.
Luckily no one in my family worked there and died. I did have a boyfriend though whose mother perished...that was horrible. I remember crying for days. I was grateful that I had the chance to visit the towers a couple years earlier and go on the roof and see the amazing view of the entire city. Today I cherish those memories. Nothing they will ever build will ever be enough for me. I want my towers back, not some damn old building thats "safe"!!!
I hate the people who did this. They deserve to be punished. To kill so many inncoent lives just because they hate America, that is pure evil. This is why I will always support out troops in whatever they do. I will never forget and I will always stand by America..<3 God bless the USA!!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Over labor day, Jay and I went to NC to visit my brother, his wife, and their 2 young girls. It made me so happy to see them and I only hope that I will be as close to a good parent and they are! The girls are well mannered and look out for each other (for example, after every table meal, they would ask permission to be excused). Meg and Ally are smart girls and I am very proud of them :)
I started grad school. Only news I can report this early on is that I am going to counsel someone for 8 weeks, once a week. These will be taped sessions and given to my professor and assistant counselor that I will be assigned to soon. Also, I am also going to go to a school and assess/evaluate a student "at risk." Thinking i better not screw this up....
Emotional front- I am doing much better these days. Life has its ups and downs that no one can run away from. I'm working on peace
Physical front- I'm incredibly tan and my hair is growing long. I'm wondering if I should get hilites or not.
Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.