Monday, June 26, 2006


 "lol what the hell is your problem?"

A simple question that neither I or anyone else has the answer to. It's a question that many people ask me, in many different ways, yet if they knew, would they be satisfied with the answer?

I'm mad and bitter and maybe thats my problem. Finding out this past friday that my dads cancer had spread is my current problem. Seeing friends and family distance themselves from me and my  family is another problem. Knowing that my mother is sick herself, and should see a doctor but isn't is another problem.

Maybe if I had a sibling things might be easier I hear people say. Having a half brother is a bit comforting. Knowing that he's half a country away is not.

One day I will be happy again just like I was happy again after my father was diagnosed. But my hope is low. Way lower then in Feb. I read that people with lung cancer have like a 12.9 or 14.9 "5 year survival rate". That does not even account for tumors (3) on the brain and now, on the arm/shoulder. Even if these people survive, its what, 5 years? I'm so sad

Yet I just know that people think "well its better to have had 20 healthy years with him then not having any at all". Maybe one day this may make me feel better but right now I have a right to be in grief.

Don't get me wrong, I have my faith and hope and pray every single day that things turn out for the best. But it just makes me cry every time I think of a possible future without my daddy. And thats a huge problem indeed.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

My 'Millionaire' Audition

Yesterday Jay and I went to our "auditions" at the ABC building to try out for.........Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

After getting there early, we waited on their longg line which was great since my feet were killing me and this gave me a chance to stand still. Thinking I was clever, I wore my tiny heals instead of bigger ones to no avail! I managed to get blisters before the fun even started!

Finally, we were ushered into a large room and were given pencils, scantrons, and large envelopes which contained our "tests." Across from us was a girl who was an "actress" and a guy who went to some prestigious University and was an engineer. Big whoop

So once everyone was inside (and past the metal detectors), we all took out timed 10 minute, 30 question test. Now I don't remember all the questions but it sounded like this:

3. What color are Viagra pills? Are they A. Blue B. White C. Red or D. Yellow? The correct answer is blue and I got it right!! I'm so smart right? Another question was about Kelly Monacco who won the first season of Dancing With the Stars (the one I didn't watch). Which soap was she in? A. All my children B. General Hospital C. Days of our Lives or D. Blah blah blah. How the heck should I know??

As you may presume, Jason or I did not meet the par and failed :( Jay got most of the questions right though so I was shocked they didn't call him back.

After the test, they called all the numbers of the people who passed. Some of the ones who passed were these elderly people. How they knew the word Gwen Stefani spells in one of her songs- b.a.n.a.n.a.s- is wayyyyy beyondd meeee. But. Goodd luck to them anyway.

What matters is that I had fun and understand that if the engineer guy didn't pass, then I don't have much to worry about!! In fact, afterwards Jay and I went to a store (well I sorta limped) and I bought myself flip flops...I had to.

Putting all the failures and blisters aside, we might actually go back next week :)

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

For laughs

Wanna hear something funny? I have an audition for Who Wants to be a Millionaire on June 21st, hahaha. Maybe it will work out? One never knows...

I had a horrible dream about my dad and I hope it doesn't come true!!!!

Prepping for a GRE test during the summer is not fun!! I have got my book and am practicing the verbal and math hoping that I will get most of the questions right on the date of the exam (July 21st).