Monday, June 26, 2006


 "lol what the hell is your problem?"

A simple question that neither I or anyone else has the answer to. It's a question that many people ask me, in many different ways, yet if they knew, would they be satisfied with the answer?

I'm mad and bitter and maybe thats my problem. Finding out this past friday that my dads cancer had spread is my current problem. Seeing friends and family distance themselves from me and my  family is another problem. Knowing that my mother is sick herself, and should see a doctor but isn't is another problem.

Maybe if I had a sibling things might be easier I hear people say. Having a half brother is a bit comforting. Knowing that he's half a country away is not.

One day I will be happy again just like I was happy again after my father was diagnosed. But my hope is low. Way lower then in Feb. I read that people with lung cancer have like a 12.9 or 14.9 "5 year survival rate". That does not even account for tumors (3) on the brain and now, on the arm/shoulder. Even if these people survive, its what, 5 years? I'm so sad

Yet I just know that people think "well its better to have had 20 healthy years with him then not having any at all". Maybe one day this may make me feel better but right now I have a right to be in grief.

Don't get me wrong, I have my faith and hope and pray every single day that things turn out for the best. But it just makes me cry every time I think of a possible future without my daddy. And thats a huge problem indeed.


xxroxymamaxx said...

No we don't have the answers, that's for sure.  All we can do is stick by our loved ones and make everyday count.  Only God knows for sure how long your dad has.  My dad pretended like he wasn't dying right up until that sad day.  I didn't understand that at the time, but I think thats what got him through.  I'm here for you.  Hugs, Shelly

pennietoonz said...

I know it is a heavy burden to bear and you have every right to vent your frustration. I wish there was more I could say or do.