Days go by

This year will be better. Although I thought long and hard about it, I decided to go out on New Years Eve and celebrate with my boyfriend and two friends. Originally I was positive I was going to go until some members of my family thought it was a bad idea since my dad died not too long ago. So I thought about it. Finally I decided that I don't go out very often and no amount of clubs or parties will take away the pain that I have anyway

Being that New Years Eve was on a Sunday, I went to mass that day and prayed and contemplated some more. I spoke to my dad and felt better afterward. And you know what, I had a great time that night.

I'm just finishing a book called On Grief and Grieving by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler. Kubler-Ross was the woman who came up with the 5 stages of grief and this book is amazing and is for people who have lost a loved one. It's a general book that applies to any kind of loss and brings me comfort. Every day, I make sure to read at least a part of it to help me with my own grief. I still can't believe that I only have one parent. It's so lonely and miserable sometimes that I just don't know what to do. I want time to move on yet I don't want to experience those anniversaries. My birthday in March will be the hardest because my dad always looked forward to that day and celebrated it as if it was his own birthday. Last year (when I turned 21) we wanted to go to Atlantic City to celebrate but he was already too sick. I know that out of all days, he would make sure to be there on my birthday..but he won't.

Tonight I'm seeing Jason and I might go to the mall to buy this light blue necklace that I fell in love with last month,lol. Shopping always manages to make me feel better.

I hope everyone had a great New Years! After reading all of your journals, I bet the answer is yes :)