I tried to cry last night but the tears wouldn't flow. I'm afraid I'm all cried out for a while. When I heard that my fellow blogger had died, I felt so sad. All the memories started to come back to me as they inevitably do. I sometimes think why bad things don't happen to other people. I am not being malicious, I'm just genuinely curious as to why some get happiness more easily than others.
I look at my mother and I wish I was like her. Even though she lost her husband and her mother is now sick with cancer, she has this aura and strength that I wish more people knew about. Little things such as me buying boots for my dog makes her happy. There is certainly pain there and I sometimes think whether her happiness is not just a disguise. My mom is very religious and believes things turn out the way they are supposed to. But believing this is one thing, being this strong is another.
One thing my mother has taught me is to take care of my relationships. Last week my mother compared relationships to plants saying that plants will die without water in the same way our relationships with people will die if there is no care.
My mom doesn't need to tell people how tough she is, she just is. If there is anyone I wish happiness and relaxation for, it is for my mom. She is the only person I see every single day and loves me unconditionally. Maybe one day I'll know why others seem to have more happiness in their lives but I know this one thing: if I can't have an abundance of happiness, at least I have strength that is a more meaningful quality and will sustain me, ha!