Tough Week

It's only Tuesday and it's a tough week already. Yesterday I found out that my friend from college (21 yrs) was in the hospital after getting severe cramps in her abdomen. Doctors had discovered that she had had a cyst on her ovary which ruptured. She is fine now thank God.

Today I found out that a classmate from my high school in my year had died on Friday. I do not know how or why and am curious.

Since my father's death, I ache to feel connected and be emotionally secure. I question what people say to me and feel that after being with me, they will go back to their happy and better lives without me. My life still feels toppled over like a game of jenga.  I wonder how and when I will feel secure?

no editing (alright a little)

I am awesome, sweet, sensitive, sad, Disappointed, hopeful,loving, in love, anxious, nervous, reminiscing, thinking, analyzing, sexy, quiet, interesting, strong, blunt, confident, smart, silly, cute, angry, appreciative, wondering, pissed, important, careful, adventurous, thin, mourning, lucky, vicious, beautiful.

I can cry, laugh, giggle, smile, illustrate, lie, give, heal, hug, expect, pray, create, look, threaten, acknowledge, destroy, dance, communicate, embrace, stop, kiss, play, write, snap, bake, listen, yell, buy, plan, live.

and its perfectly normal

Home

I didn't want to come back home, back to the foundation of so much sadness. In Florida, Jay and I hit many of the major theme parks but my trip was more cathartic for me. When I came home, home seemed to be a better and more easier place to live. I can say that I'm happier now then I have been. Still, I can't manage to make out my thoughts into sentences.

when i am old and can't get out of bed
i will think about my life instead.
where it has led me, where i have been
all of the places that result in this grin.

i will think about the first love, second love, who knows if there will be a third?
hoping that after all these years they realize the love i have bestowed.

rude bosses, misgivings, mommy 'im afraid of the dark'
i will take these things with
goodnight kisses, sleeping babies, and sweet strolls in the park

simple life as this simple poem goes
i hope that by then i will still have ten working hands and toes!

Orlando, Florida

This Saturday (6/9-6/16) I'm going to Orlando Florida for a week! My bf and I are flying there after reconsidering the drive. I'm planning on going to MGM, Universal Studios, Magic Kingdom maybe, and even a water park if I'm feeling better from this cold. Some other locations are on my list as well.

Will update when I'm back :)

S U M M E R  S U R V E Y

Pool OR Jacuzzi : pool
Ocean OR Pool : ocean
Ice cream OR popsicles : ice cream
Lemonade OR iced tea: iced tea
Tennis shoes OR flip flops: Flip Flops
Fans OR Air conditioning : fans
Sprinklers OR slip n slide : Sprinklers
Water Balloon fight OR Water gun fight : Water gun

Y O U R  F A V O R I T E  S U M M E R . . .

Drink :  Pina Colada, fruity drinks
Food :  barbecue
Song :  summer in the city by the lovin spoonfuls, summer of '69, kokomo, boys of summer (can't just pick one)
Hang out : apartment
Camp:  not a big fan
Holiday : 4th of july
Vacation: Anyplace warm

L A S T  S U M M E R :

Where did you go :  Cape Cod
Who did you hang with? boyfriend
Did you do anything illegal :  No
Did you go to a concert? No
What was your best memory : Nantucket

 

T H I S  S U M M E R :

Where are you going : Orlando!!!
Name five things you're most looking forward to this summer :

1.     Going on vacation
2.     hanging out with boyfriend/friends
3.     trips at summer camp
4.     going to the beach
5.     having a great tan before school starts again

Your Silence

Your silence resounds as
indifference
hatred
and lack of care
when you say no words can describe what i mean

your silence creates friction
since it represents what is in your heart

don't say i don't understand
say how can i understand

your silence shows me that you are comfortable with the way things are instead of extra work that can make things better

your silence creates a boundary
that i am beginning to accept
as more and more agree
that it is better to say nothing than something at all

your silence is becoming your voice
while i am screaming at you on the inside

Day After Graduation!

It took four whole years and two especially difficult ones but I made it! It was an interesting day that began on Sat May 12 when my mom, boyfriend and I went to the mass at my campus. Luckily, we got there pretty early and found 3 seats together. They had finished building the church like only 3 years ago so it's modern with nice waterfalls, mosaics, and beautiful Marian imagery throughout the interior. I got teary eyed when during the intentions, we prayed for all those family members who can't be here for the graduates. Afterwards, we had a buffet style dinner which took too long in my opinion.

The next day, my mom, Jay, cousin, and aunt were the guests at my graduation. They had said prior to this that they were expecting over 10,000 people but today the number was more than 19,000! The reason for this is because for the first time in years, they had a general ceremony for everybody. Our guest speaker was George Stephanopolous which was verrry exciting. He was a great speaker. Everyone's name was called and we each had an opportunity to walk on stage, shake the president of the university's hand, and take a picture. As you can imagine, it took a long time but luckily my college, the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences went first. I am a cum laude which doubled my enthusiasm. Although, I was two itty bitty points away from being magna cum laude. That's a bit disappointing because if I had known, I wouldn't have worked so hard! lol

The dinner was interesting to say the least. Our space in the restaurant was taken even though we booked it at least two months in advance. The appetizers were late (they came during dinner), the food was burned, and the service was poor. I'm grateful that my godfather and his wife are so outspoken because they complained loudly and we didn't have to pay expect for the deposit that was paid prior to last night. Everyone did have a good laugh though.

In loyal St. John's colors, I'm writing in red and am adding some pictures from the two days. I know this day was the best Mother's Day present I can ever give my mom. Now all I have to do is wait for my BA diploma in the mail. :)