Saturday, February 18, 2006

How much can we handle??

I actually woke up at 10 AM today!! Finally...with school, and everything else in between, I have only been getting about 7 hours of sleep in the last two weeks but this time, I slept! It's a good thing, cause today will be a busy day.

My dad is in the hospital...AGAIN. One day after coming home, he started having dizzy spells and had many other unfortunate side effects :( If he was weak from the chemo, we would understand; but what happened Thursday night, I will never forget. He was going to the bathroom and blacked out cold. Actually, we thought this was it.....I had to go through the rounds again and call the ambulance and this time, the whole crew came by. Luckily my dad was conscious by then, and we really believe that it was a close call and if my mom and aunt didn't know what they were doing, then that would be it.

He's in intensive care and I cannot describe the feeling in that part of the hospital. One patient in that room is on life support and her daughter was there deciding if/when she should take her mom off it. Another man kept on pulling off the tubes that were connected to him and after I went home, my mom told me that he actually went into cardiac arrest and the doctors had to resuscitate him back into life. Glad I wasn't there for that one!!

I'm sorry if I seem so graphic but I am actually holding back things that seem too detailed. Seeing my dad like that breaks my heart but it must break my mom's heart even more. Within the past several years she had lost her best friend to breast cancer and my grandmothers death in 2004 is still vivid for us. It just seems so much you know? But believe it or not I am feeling much better today since I was really pessimistic yesterday. We're seeing him again today and he called us early this morning! Compared to how he was doing yesterday, this is a huge step.

I will probably see Jay later since my cousin has given him a computer design job that he can do at home. And I need to go out. I was planning on doing so yesterday but was feeling too low. Instead Jay surprised me and came over!! He called me on the phone and said, "come out to your front porch I left you something". I said well where are you and he said "I'm in my car, come out before it blows away". When I go out what do I see but Jason standing there :)

It'll be a better day today



sazzylilsmartazz said...

I wish I knew what to say or do to bring you comfort. You and your family will be in my thoughts and heart today. You're not being graphic - it's good for you to let your feelings out.
My parents are in fairly good health but I don't know what I'd do or how I'd feel if something should happen. If you need someone to talk to just e-mail me.

pennietoonz said...

Joanna, I totally understand about the whole hospital thing. I have been in the hospital several times in the past year and have seen a lot of sad things. The good news is that most people do get made better and get to come home. I know this isn`t easy. Try to stay strong. My prayers are with your family.

xxroxymamaxx said...

I remember not knowing what to put in my journal about dad and what not to put....but when it came right down to it, I put it in there and everyone was very supportive.  I'm sorry this is all happening and I hope your dad is home soon.  Bet he does too. : ) whenever I feel the need to write the bad parts of my day I try to sandwich it between some happy things.  lol   How cute of Jason to show up like that.  GBU, Shelly