Thursday, November 10, 2005

A thought to ponder

Today, I do not have much to say. Or maybe it is that I have a lot to say but feel the most natural to keep it inside. It is what I have always done, it is what I am the most comfortable doing. Do not ask me why cuz I really have no idea. Maybe it is upbringing or maybe it is just plain habit.

When I'm angry I just let it simmer inside of me. I have always felt that "grownups" had the right to be angry since they are the ones living the hard life: paying bills, having kids gone awry, becoming unemployed, worrying about what to cook, wondering why there is always laundry to be done, the "grownup" list goes on and on.

Now that I am no longer a child, I still hold those beliefs and I wonder why. I am just like everyone else but I feel guilty about complaining. This is ludicrous. The truth is that everyone experiences a hard life all in different forms. But the complexity stays the same. It is how you deal with it that matters and I chose to deal with it differently from all those "grownups" that I have encountered.

When I have a home of my own, worry about bills, take care of children, clean the house, I will act differently. I won't ever think "my problems are the worst" or "you're a child so I will treat you differently" or "I am greater then you beacause I am bigger"

No, being TIRED is BEING TIRED. This holds true for child and grownup alike. I won't let them be in control of me for the rest of my life.

Now they wonder why I am sad or quiet, lol. It is cuz I don't wanna be like them and complain about every little miniscule thing.

Sadly, and I hope this isn't wrong of me to say, but I think that I am smarter then they are about certain things so either way I am stuck in some kind of a hole.

Do I dare say something to them? Nope. It would crush their hearts and they wouldn't even understand anyway. Once again it will remain inside of me until one day when I am able to live independently from these people's overacting and tedious emotions.

Until then......



1 comment:

tillysweetchops said...

This is why a journal is so therapeutic - just write all your feelings out ...

Tilly x